Growing a community
How do we build a village when it's so easy to be isolated?
I am consistently seeing content online lately on building your own community. How you have to be a villager to be a part of a village. I truly love and appreciate this sentiment and agree whole heartedly that being a support for your friends not only builds up your relationship with them but builds you into a nice little community of people that rely on each other! Neat!
Why is this so hard to do though? Why are we fed that you should not rely on each other. We have to pull ourselves by our bootstraps, make it work. Keep it rolling, not bothering anyone with our problems.
Not relying on people in our communities, our friends, our government, all these things that should be here to help each other keep afloat? Stigmatized.
You need to rely on EBT and food banks to keep your family fed? Will people think I am a failure, that it’s my fault I can’t do this?
You need a ride to the airport to see your sick family member? Better get an uber on my credit card because people don’t want to take me, I shouldn’t rely on anyone.
We are set up to believe we need to make it work on our own. It’s ingrained in our culture, to focus on being individuals, and not on being a community.
I think where this work begins, is showing up for people. Here are ways I try to:
Hey, I just read this book I liked, want to borrow it from me?
I am making a lasagna this weekend want to come over for dinner.
I have clothes that I don’t wear anymore want to see if you want any of it?
I know you are going away soon; do you have anyone to watch your cat? I can.
The small ways you can show up for people make a difference in letting people be in your lives and truly be a piece of theirs. It feels good! To love each other and be loved.
It is something that we crave from people… connection. And what a great way to connect with people than to be there for them.
Something else to acknowledge when talking about this, is my perspective as a white guy. I inherently see the world through the light of this privilege and want to recognize a little white guy being like “yeah!!! rely on your friends!!! ask them for favors!!!” might be a privileged thought. Especially when there are barriers between class, race and other identities where you may face unjust bias.
I hope to surround myself with people I can help through their lives, and they can help through mine. Not in some big miraculous way, but through small everyday gestures that show my willingness to show up and be there when someone might need.
Maybe it is selfish because it makes me feel good? Maybe its selfless because it helps other people.
Or maybe.
It’s both and that’s okay.
Also, Free Palestine. The government should help their people. And Trans people deserve to exist.
Thanks for reading silly little thoughts, from a silly little trans man. If you are interested in more, maybe subscribe or whatever. :)